On, Oh Great!

Friends,

My boss’s girlfriend crashed a Uhaul yesterday after I left work. These things happen, but usually I’m not the only person registered with Uhaul to drive it!

This is what went down.

So, I’ve got this guy who gives me jobs. He runs a magazine and I’ll get some hours from him. Sometimes it’s delivery. Sometimes it’s data-entry. Sometime’s it’s ridiculous manual labor, and I’m thinking, “but I’m dressed for data-entry!” You know how it goes.

He’s in the process of moving and wouldn’t you know it, I’m doing all the moving. He went out of town today and I’m moving all his furniture. So yesterday I picked up the Uhaul so I could start early today. I drop it off at his house, and I head home.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, the boss’s girlfriend decided to take the Uhaul for a spin. (Who could resist, right?) She’s dropping boxes off at the new place, but the new place has this 200 pound wooden beam, 12 feet high, framing the driveway by the road. The Uhaul is 13 feet high. My plan was to take the beam down myself, but in realizing it’s weight I decided to wait for help from my co-mover today. I left the wooden beam unattached to the collums beneath (and told my boss as much).

My boss’s girlfriend–wearing her “screw you and ask questions later” T-shirt–planned otherwise. When she hit the beam, it crashed down on the windshield and knocked off the rear-view mirror. Now the passenger door can’t shut and the front antenna looks more like a beetle’s than a trucks. Did I mention my boss passed on the Uhaul damage insurance?

Oh great!

After much anxiety (which, along with adjustment disorder NOS, happens to be one of the boxes my counselor puts me in!—Note: This joke is exactly why he didn’t want to talk to me about diagnosis. hee hee. Sucker!) about what would happen with Uhaul–they have my Driver’s license number, will they ticket me or what?!–I’ve decided what to do. It’s not my fault what happened; it’s my employer’s girlfriend. Uhaul’s not dealing with my insurance at all. Neither is the girlfriend’s insurance company. Hey, somebody has to draw a line in the sand. And sometimes…sometimes that’s me.

….

In other news, my Friday plans to visit the Neverland Ranch for Michael Jackson’s public viewing with my siblings, has been thwarted by the silly “requests of the family”! Jeez, can’t a guy selfishly exploit a tragedy these days?

Pratfalls